Is it a female thing to think that you’re destined for someone? Honestly, how many guys do you meet who will sit there and say that they think they are destined for someone. Maybe you’ll hear it when they’re taking their vows either to god or to their soon to be wife. But honestly, how many guys run around thinking that they’re destined to be with a girl who they’ve met? How many guys mourn a girlfriend leaving, or mourn dumping a girlfriend because they honestly thought they were in *gasp* love with this girl. Love is such a thrown around word, but there is more to love than just saying that four letter word. Some people cannot say it, and I for one agree with them. How do you decide who you love? Shouldn’t it really mean something to say “I love you?” I’ve only met once upon a time, a guy who I thought I was in love with. Pity to me that I didn’t realize it at the time. But as you know, life does not come with do overs, or if it does, please someone tell me where to go to get one!
I’m beginning to think that there is a really big gap here between women thinking that things are ‘meant to be’ and guys running away from women who think that way. That, or the guys just don’t understand at all why we’re hurting when they’re gone. Yeah, they move on fast, but we don’t move on as fast from men who we think or we thought we were meant to be with. Sometimes I find that guys are just not sensitive to the way we’re feeling when they break our hearts. Maybe we put more stock in being happy with someone, but it is still a conundrum to try and figure out why our emotions so drastically differ from those of men.
Finding the one who is ‘meant to be’ is not a way of saying that women sit down and just decide that the guy they’re with is the guy for them. There are a lot of factors which play into real women beginning to think that they’ve found their ideal match. It isn’t about the amount of time you were dating, but it is about the feeling that is there. Said or unsaid I think that people run into their match because of the feelings that it creates. I think even in our subconscious we know when we’ve met someone who matches us on even more than the normal ‘I like you’ plane. Yes, lust, sex, and hunger are part of that, but there is so much more to knowing that you’re meant to be with someone. There is often electricity that you cannot see, but can feel. And I’ve come across couples before who weren’t together but were meant to be, and the tension between them in the room was palpable.
It is about the way you felt when you first met. It doesn’t have to be fireworks, but there is something in the pull of his voice, or what he said, or how he said it. There is something in the way you want to be together, even when there are other things going on. It is about tackling challenges, willingly, together because you want to do things with the other person. It is liking the same ice cream or grabbing the same bowl before adding all the same toppings. It is finishing each others sentences before you’ve known him a week. It is about being able and understanding. It is about feeling as though you could tell him anything at all and he wouldn’t judge you for it. It is about that first kiss, where you remember it always, and it is about the way you feel when he is not there anymore. It is so much more than words can capture.
It is about knowing he is upset before you see him. It is about being able to dream of him the way he dreams about you. It is about feeling him when he isn’t there. It is about always being happier when he is around. It is about just feeling that everything is right when he is there, and you’re in his arms. It is about not having to do anything in particular, but being able to just ‘be’ around each other. When you’re content because you’re in the same room, same town, same school. ETC.
It is about thinking he is perfect even when your rational mind says, wait, really? It is about thinking that he could change and you’d still love him the same way. It is about realizing that you base the idea of ‘love’ off the way you feel for him. It is about knowing that you couldn’t care less about bad habits or a little extra weight, even if it bothers him. It is about wanting him and accepting him the way he is. Completely. It is about knowing that you like your laughter more when he is around. It is about being absolutely certain that even talking about a future feels completely right.
I’ve begun to think, after my last disaster of a try at a ‘relationship’ (if you can dare to call it that), that guys in general don’t think the same way about their ‘match’ as girls do. You could chalk it up to us female types being more emotional, but I don’t think that is it. I have met plenty of emotional men in my life, and this just doesn’t qualify. Could it be that men do not say it as much as we do? I still think we’re meant to be doesn’t tend to come out of their mouths. “I don’t want to settle for being friends.” Means a lot coming from a guy, but why not just say, “I think there is something here, and I want to hash it out until we figure it out?” how hard is that? Girls have to so heavily read into anything guys say that we’re left in this fantastic maze where we aren’t sure what to say or what to do to keep these amazing guys in our lives for a longer amount of time. Don’t get me wrong, not all girls think this way, and maybe I’m just a rarity. But, seriously, we don’t want every guy we meet to be the ‘one’. There are a bunch of us who have already met that guy and not one other soul we meet can compare.
I worry about that sometimes. Thinking I’ve already met him. What more is there? There are various sayings about how love strikes twice: Once so you can know the price, and once (as Allison Krauss wrote) for crazy faith. Is it crazy? I don’t think so. I think we meet the one and I think that not all of us are mature enough, old enough, our sensible enough to know it when it happens. It turns into hell on wheels to be dealing with something like that. But the thing is, how do ‘normal’ guys measure up to these men we’ve fallen for thinking they’re the ones we are meant to be with?
I think once we’ve found our match we measure every other guy we meet against who and what he is, and how he makes us feel. I think that most of the time the guys we meet after don’t even come close, and some of us settle. I am not a settler. I can’t do it. I want to fight, but don’t know how. So instead I’m here pondering the ways that this could be different from the other side.
You see, even though I feel him all the time, I cannot get a crack of the way he feels about me. He has said a few things, and told me once that he loved me, what feels like ages ago. And though I long to hear it again, I am just not sure I ever will. I am not sure I’ll be able to ever tell him that I love him, even if it took me years to figure out. I just don’t know. There is no magic decoder for the way guys feel about you. I only know one side of this stupid male/female code shit, and I wish more than anything that I could just know, just once, how he feels. But it isn’t meant to be and I doubt it will happen. But it leaves me feeling as though I’m strange or weird for thinking that we’re still meant to be, even after everything. Even after all the same shit has happened over and over and over again. It still leaves me thinking that I’d rather be with him than anyone else. And it leaves me heartbroken to know that it is broken. There is no fixing this I don’t think, we’re too far lost in what we’re not saying. Even though it is the words we both need to hear. I would do anything. But, I think that is just the me part of things.
*shrugs* okay, that made my brain hurt. Time to actually pretend like I’m getting work done at work :-/
~M
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