Well, Happy Halloween. I had to start with that. Worshiping the "devil's holiday" according to Eva (my co-worker) anyway. There isn't too much going on. We (Lauren and I) spent our day just hanging out and chilling before we played with little children and gave out candy at the mall.
Yesterday was a 5,600$ day in the store. I did 1,500$ online, and then did a 3,800$ sale and an 800$ sale plus a bunch of hundred - two hundred dollar sales throughout the evening. I did awesome. Today my boss gave me $50 because of how good a day we had on Friday! W00t. I'm awesome.
I didn't get to see Mike again today, but, he texted when he got home from OK yesterday and we've chatted a bit tonight as well. He's out in Baltimore pirating it up. Sounds like fun, but I'm actually quite a bit happier being at home ready to get to bed. I'm so tired! And, I have to work all day tomorrow. I'll start with coffee in the morning and go from there. next week I have to being going to the gym more regularly -- especially because the season is over. It is time to make sure I stay in shape over the winter. It is what I really do need, and I've put on a few pounds (4-5) since I got back from CA. It was a weird few months for me. A week of being sick with lyme, and then three weeks on antibiotics for it, followed by another week of recovery. From there I popped something in my knee, which really hurt and probably wasn't good. So I was out of playing disk and out of shape for almost two months, which included me going to CA and hanging out there for a week. Now, I'm back and though I've been playing disk, it is just not a good enough workout to do that twice a week. So -- it is time to make use of this gym membership I'm paying for...
I read something today that got me thinking. I wasn't a book, though I'm still thinking about The Ice Queen and how it effected me while I was reading it, and once I'd finished. I was reading a post about whether or not being bi-polar was a good thing. I mean yes, you get extraordinarily happy about things, and ridiculously depressed and you feel like you're turned off from the world. Maybe it is a good thing to be happy when you're un-involved in the world. Perhaps that is a good way to be. Maybe if you don't notice the way you're feeling -- or the way you're hurting people. Maybe then, maybe then bi-polar disorder is a good thing. So get medicated, or fight it, but I think that you end up hurting people because you are excited about a situation or a relationship, and then you aren't. And you hurt the other person. You pull away and they are left with no answers, and you break them.
So no, bi-polar disorder isn't a good way to live. You'll end up alienating yourself and you'll be unable to continue to constantly push away people and then pull them back. Sooner or later they will realize that you will continue the same pattern of behavior and you will then be unreliable and worthless to them. You will only bring them misery, your misery.
Does that make you happy? I mean, if you're happy with the idea of life being blase, then fine. If you have no drive to go forwards then perhaps you are happy with that. I could never be happy being 'stuck' somewhere. But, if you have a lack of ambition, which is also a side effect of bi-polar disorder, then, fine, be happy with being bi-polar. But, I would imagine that you'll regret being in the situation you are in in a few years.
The other thing to add is the question of whether or not drug use has something to do with the lack of ambition. Using drugs changes your brain chemistry, and can lead you to have a completely different personality than you once had. *shrugs* I guess that sucks for everyone you. People will find other friends, other relationships, and other lives. They'll move on, but what will you do?
*ponder ponder*
kk, that's it for the night,
~M
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