I cannot wait for this day.

I think that this day will be on of the happiest days of my life. I'm looking, I swear. I'm changing my life in the hopes that someday -- someday I'll be able to forget.

New Beginnings

What is there to write really, but what has happened in the last few months. Things got difficult during the end of November and the beginning of December. I tried to make it clear to my disbelieving boss that I was not going to be staying long past Christmas. I guess a month was a little longer than I wanted to stay, but it suited me okay and now I'm on to something else.
My last day of work with this company is February 10th. I am so excited. I have wanted out of this job for a while now. Though I really enjoyed working with the people and learning about the product and answering all the questions...I could not deal with some of the staff and I was exhausted because I had to do the work of EVERYONE. I was spending all my time fixing mistakes and dealing with angry customers. It was not what I wanted.
The last straw came with Leena hiring a "manager' for the other store at 10,000$ a year more than she offered me. He has some retail experience, but literally does not know anything about pens. She brought in someone and paid them much more than she was willing to offer me. It completely sucks. I cannot wait until someone else has to deal with everything that I have been dealing with for ages.

So, after this, I'm heading to NY to take care of my grandparents until they are ready to move into their new place. I am looking forward to it so that I can catch up with Katy (EXCITEMENT) and see some of the city. I have wanted to go back to NY for a while, but work has kept me far, far away from my family. It is time for it to yield to what I want and get on it. :-)

So that is the story -- For now.

It has been two long years little cousin and we miss you every day. Happy Angel day Allison. I'm quite sure you're running around up there getting into mischief in the true Reid fashion. Remind Poppop that he has to show you the most amazing handstands, steal his chick-lets for me just one more time.

RIP: Allison Reid March 1st, 2002- January 25th, 2008  

www.allisonhugs.org

Ponderings

I thought I was writing a novel to end the story we'd begun but couldn't end. We laughed so many times about finally getting to write our ending from the same page. Though I miss those times, and those dreams of the future -- because everything was so in-tune. Turns out -- the ending we planned was just not in the cards. Here is to twists and turns in the plot of life, and to having something better in the future just write its way into your life...


On the subject of fairy tales:
They don't have a lot of fancy writing, but they all have the same basic story line. Girl and boy A and boy B. Girl has boy A and gets in trouble, is rescued by boy B and falls in love with him. End of story with happily ever after.
Even today's media feeds into the frenzy that women want to be 'rescued'. Maybe that is why we stay with people who hurt us, stay with people who don't love us as much as they could... I think we all want to be cared about, rescued, and secured for a lifetime of 'happiness' as we were raised to believe would happen.
We, as women, await the most simple romantic gesture in our lives. It doesn't really matter which man it comes from, but we await it. We just want you to send flowers on a whim, or show up just to say hi. It is the little things which have always counted, and in the sense of romantic interests and lives running along fairy tale guidelines, we want the guy who even remotely appears to care. 
Funny how that works. Thanks Disney for screwing up millions of women. We now set our standards too high, and lose the people we care about the most. That is not the way to do our lives.

The life of a Leo

A Leo is:


Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem.  Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing.  Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find.


"Loves being in long relationships" oh great.


Anyway -- lots going through my head tonight -- and I'm not feeling it so I cannot write it right now.

Je Veux ton Amour

I once said I found my soul mate. I thought I had found my completed half to the universal whole. "Je me  sens comme si j'ai redécouvert mon autre moitié."  I thought that, and then I figured out that just how it feels to hurt every day and every night. It sucks more than I thought it would -- to try and always be forgetting. But how do you forget? Answer: you don't. It doesn't happen. I cannot be the girl who is always hurting. I do not know anymore, who I am or who I want to be. For the longest time I just wanted to be with him and figure things out along the road. Right now I’m fighting to figure out where I’ll be in the next few months – and who I’ll eventually be with.

There are so many stories I could tell, of the dreams I have and the memories which flash through my head and catch my breath in my throat. There are times when my heart is so constricted that I feel the need to remove the daggers which pierce my heart and constrict it’s beat. I just cannot play this anymore.

If there were a way to remove memories which one finds painful, would you? Would you risk all of your memories to stop the pain you’ve had for so long?

What would you do?

At work...again

             What else is there to do, really, when you’re are work but sit down and write down your latest blog entry? I guess not much else besides the inventory on hundreds of stupid little pens. There was way too much to do when I figured out this morning that one of the companies inventory was really wrong. Needless to say, I managed to get it re-done, get everything re-tagged, and then make sure that the inventory was reflected correctly in the system. It took me from 12-4 to actually get that all done, and now I’m eagerly awaiting being able to get the heck out of here and go home. We’re eating the deer tonight, which is another fun story – and I have to open tomorrow morning anyway, so I want to go home.

                The Deer Story:

                My little sister is dating a marine. He’s a marine we all pretty much like (Not the bastard that she dated before). He hunts – typical marine, he likes to shoot at things. He’s a pretty good shot and he hunts off our deck. He and his buddies live happily on deer for most of the year. My father hates deer and they are always running into cars and eating his plants. SO he lets Proia hunt off the deck. Mind you, our deck is in the woods and the deer are usually under 100 yards away from where we stand. It is the perfect place to hunt because the kills are clean and we have easy shots.

                Last weekend Proia went hunting. He took down a doe and we went out into the lingering snow to go and get her. She was probably 75lbs and we had to gut her (That was a new experience). Little Bit was a little too squeamish to help so I helped Proia gut the thing. It was pretty neat, and surprisingly wasn’t terrible. I guess after dissecting things for years in HS and College it really didn’t phase me, but I was able to point out what all the important parts were.

                Once gutted we had to get her home to the house. It was up hill and she was heavy, and still dripping. I had to help Proia lift her onto his shoulders and we both got rather bloody. Though, he more so than I did. It was a bit gross to have all the blood running places, but tis life and I have a feeling that she is going to be damn good eating. Haha. We got her to the house and Proia showed me how to skin and butcher a deer. I hadn’t seen that before either, unless you count that random time in PA when I was drinking with a few friends and one of their friends showed up with a deer after it totaled his car. They butchered that thing and froze the meat, but I didn’t really watch it too closely, and when I think of it now it reminds me slightly of a horror movie – or a murder she wrote story from TV.

                Needless to say, we had a pretty good time and got some good meat off the doe. We’re cooking it tonight, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ll add an update later with some more information on my first run-in with venison.

                In other news, I’m the proud new owner of a CuisinArt Espresso Machine! I’m pretty thrilled about this for a few reasons. Espresso is my friend when I have to be up at the crack of dawn. Also, this thing was 50% off of what its usual price is. It is a really good machine. I’m pretty thrilled to be playing Barista and my white chocolate syrup comes next week! EEEE! Nothing like a homemade white mocha in the morning rather than having to spend 5$ a pop on that at Starbucks or Nordstrom’s café. They both have good coffee, yes, but that is a little pricy when you’re working and living on coffee all the time. SO far what I’ve made has been fantastic. I’m really looking forward to getting better and better at this! I’m happy to be saving the money and since I didn’t pay that much I’ll be making up for the price of the machine in no time while thoroughly avoiding starbucks and their new higher prices for larger drinks. On that topic, did you know that Starbucks makes a Venti just like a Grande, with more milk? The number of shots of espresso doesn’t actually change. NO wonder Nordstrom’s espresso is so much better. Their Enorme drink is three shots and a little less milk to the Starbucks Venti. .. Way to scam people Starbucks.

                I made a caramel macchiato last night for my mother. She said it was just like starbucks version. So apparently I did okay. Haha. She drank it really fast, and finished it. I also think we’re a little beyond the humoring me because I’m her kid stage. So that one apparently gets an A+. W00t.

Fa la la, la la...

So, what has been up lately? I've failed at writing a bit, and have started yet another book. I'm reading Outlander, not The Outlander (which I read a few months ago), but Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. So this happened quite accidentally. I picked up a book that caught my eye at Costco the other day and did not fully read the entire thing looking for details about this -- which is how I always end up reading series. It should be kinda interesting, so we'll see.

I just too NyQuil again, because I'm sick again -- so it is time to go to bed before I pass out with the computer in bed...

I'll finish updating about this new Series later. Laurel K Hamilton's new Novel FLIRT comes out on Feb 2nd. I cannot wait to see what happens in this new 18th installment in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series. For all of you who hated Twilight -- or Loved it -- Read a real Vampire Novel...

News

     So what is there to say right now? I have been inside and outside of my brain for the past few days. Days which finally involved me getting better, and a date with a new guy who may maintain a permanent place in my life. Yeah I know, right? Date number two should be happening Wednesday because we just had that good a date last night. We went out for dinner. Short of showing up with flowers and such, he opened every door for me (at least the ones I let him get to first), always let me walk ahead of him, and wouldn't let me pay for a thing.
     Now, I'm not saying it is always a requirement of guys to do these things, but sometimes it is nice to be treated as though you're being dated, rather than just going out for a date in the 21st century. I mean, what is there really left when you're in this day and age? Sometimes it is just nice to have someone who acts like he really wants you around. I guess I still have a hugely romantic side in me. I just love the idea of chivalry and surprises -- though knowing a surprise is coming drives me absolutely crazy.
     I really just like the spontaneous nature some people can have. I like it when you surprise me with something to do, or something as little as a song which makes you think of me. I like people who show up randomly, just to say hi, or maybe to grab a fast lunch. I want to look for you in ever person who enters a house, room, business, or restaurant. I want to look and know that it is a possibility that you just might be there. I don't want to be in a relationship where I would tell my own mind, 'no, he isn't that type of guy. he wouldn't do that.' I really don't want that sort of thing.
     I want a guy who never lets me go to bed angry. Someone who always wants to talk things out rather than get quiet and go awol. I would much rather deal with someone being upset and angry than dealing with someone who I feel that I cannot reach no matter what I do.
     
     Needless to say, it was a good date. Dinner was excellent, if not a little bit too tight for me. I say tight because it was a restaurant with different lighting which was darker and a little loud. I feel as though we could have picked a much more interesting place to eat, but on a Sunday it might have been tough to get a calmer environment anywhere. No fault there, but I also didn't love the feeling that I was left with from the movie "Up in the Air." It was a rather depressing movie about a man with no family ties, and no nothing. He spent all of his life traveling for a company which hired him out to other companies to fire people. It was very interesting -- and had rather hilarious parts, but it was EXTREMELY depressing towards the end. I did not rather enjoy the feeling of desperation which made me feel that my job had a bleak outlook.


Anyway, that is the story for the time being. We'll have to see what happens.


I'm still working on my novel, and I need to really put some work into it and see where else I can go with it. I need to get my Tablet. I really need it so I can get it up and working and take it to work with me so I can do something productive while I'm there.


Else wise. Writerscafe.org is a fantastic site where I've been listing some of my new work and some of my stories in progress. MoonlitShadow is my name, though you've got to register to read. it is free, so check it out. Leave comments if you want!

I'm going to say...

How did I get here...and what do I have to do to get back?

Katy, you're so right. What has happened to us over the last couple years. Answer --> The Real World.

Always on Sunday...

How true does something have to be to make your heart ache? Too True.

Impossible

I have been dreadfully lax about the novels I have been reading. Lately I felt the need to finally sit down and read Impossible by NancyWerlin. What a novel this was. The most amazing and captivating piece I have read in a while. The concept of the story came from years of ‘thinking’ about writing a novel only to be hit with it one day in its entirety. I, personally, love to write that way. I can think about a novel, story, or paper for days or even years before it is ready to be put down onto paper and into physical words. This novel was well worth the wait. What of it, andeighteen year old who happens to be the latest daughter in a string of cursed women.

How well this novel is written astounded me. I do not often feel that the pieces I read are extraordinary by any means. This piece was well done. I have never read a book entirely modeled around a person’s perception of a song and what the lyrics mean. Let’s just say it can all be explained, in the sneaky way of the Elfin fae, it was completely brought to light. How eye-opening a read!

Pregnant at eighteen after being raped by a possessed prom date, our main character slowly discovers the curse which will come fully to light by the end of her pregnancy. Caught between a rock and a hard place she is helped by her family, her true love, and her friends. She is able to rationalize the situation and solve the imbedded riddles which are written into “ Scarborough Fair” the song. There are over ten different version of the story which have crept to light over the centuries. It is amazing to read about them and the interpretations.

The novel encompasses the young girl’s journey not to be the next in line of string of women to give birth to a daughter and then go crazy. The lyrics of the songs are quite amazing when broken down. They are in riddles. There are, it is said, ways to break the curse, but the young girl must complete three seemingly impossible tasks. But what the Elfin knight does not realize is what true love really is, and that true love does, in the end, conquer all.

Yes, this turned into somewhat of a love story, but how beautifully written to have the lyrics of the song so clearly interwoven into the fabric of each of the character’s lives. I encourage all of you to go out and read this book before I spoil the ending for you. It was simply amazing to read this book. Make sure you have a little time to read it, however, because once you get started, putting it down is near to impossible.

I was thrilled by this haunting tale. The novel has also been nominated for a National Book Award. She is a finalist in the competition with this piece of work.

Once again, go read this book. It is not actually that long, so you really will enjoy bringing this story of love conquering all into your life. I know I will never forget it, and neither will you.

2010

Welcome to the New Year. Does it not amaze you as it amazes me how quickly time has flow through our lives? Time seems to inconsequential from day to day. We wake, we eat, we work, we search to find ourselves, and we sleep. There is little to no variance in our lives. We wish for past loved ones, and for the lost feelings which filled us with joy and pulled us away from the mundane things we were before so accustomed to.

But what is it about the simple changing of a day. Yes, we survived the race for another day, another year, another decade. We have won, in some ways, the right to continue running pell-mell into tomorrow, next year, and the next decade. What have we won in this race? We’ve won the right to continue trying to ‘find’ ourselves, though at my age this seems to me to be am impossible task.

I was not kidding about going to Ireland . Flights are pretty cheap, actually, and the riding vacation is well within what I can afford to spend, especially if I watch what I spend for the coming months. I will need to be in better shape, and I will need to be out riding some before I go. But I plan on doing it. This adventure, the riding part, will be a week. But if I am going to Ireland , you better believe that I will be doing other things while there as well. I’ll find a way to entertain myself, and hopefully stay for over two weeks. I hope I have a traveling companion, but I am not terribly concerned if I do not.

It is time to take time to myself. I have long dreamed of this journey, and it is time to put everything into motion. I’m through dealing with the day to day mundane that I’ve been trapped in since college. I am constantly amazed with myself that I have been so exhausted by the daily grind in just two and a half years since graduation? Was it even that long? It seems like a complete lifetime. I need a good journey to get myself on my way. What do I want from life? I do not know. I could happily live my life doing a lot of different things, but alas, they most likely would not be paying for a place for me to live.

I always dreamed that one day things would be good and I would be settled in for a lifetime with someone I loved. And yes, I had a someone in mind, because he – even now makes my heart hammer and my stomach tighten with just a though or a glimpse of a memory. As much as I try to forget, to move on, and to distance myself, the dreams are there none the less, and the memories are not so easily erased, replaced, or ignored. It just happens to be something I feel I will always have to deal with, but the wilds of a country I’ve never seen would be one of the most amazing things I could mark this new decade’s beginning with. I would long dream of doing it, and I’m afraid if I do not do it now, I never will. I’m determined, but life has a way of taking things back once I’ve decided on them. Hopefully this dream comes true.

So what of this new decade? We have lived through terrorist attacks, y2k, and many other natural and human disasters for the last decade. What says that this decade will be so different from the last? Can we not simply expect a re-play of the same things, and perhaps worsening things as technology continues to grow? And, perhaps, do we not also have a lingering doubt in the backs of our minds, how long this world will last and sustain us? I am quite sure we would find a way to adapt and escape the worst of the disasters soon to come, but, what guarantee is there? We live now in a world where we take too much and give back too little. We live with a constant threat of the world ending, of violence, and of pain. We seek to report on the sadness, and neglect to see the polar opposite.

What does that say of us as a people? We have much more complex goals than those before us. We have much more interesting and crazy hopes and dreams. We have larger potential for education and invention. We all want to save the world – in some way all our own.

So welcome to another day, which in all reality, is no different from yesterday, or the day before. Except, perhaps that it is not snowing here today. J The snow has been lovely lately though. I mean getting into work covered from foot to hip in mud because you tried to help your friend get her car out when she got it stuck in the mud in the morning. Yeah, it was delightful. I’m still enjoying the snow. No more rescuing friends with car problems on the 1^st of the year. Lol. Two stuck cars, two years in a row, at least neither of them were my cars. J