So my little sister got curious and started asking Joe questions....
Joanne Reid
10:55
so talk to me?
Joe Spizzirri (Autoreply)
10:55
and boom goes the dynamite
hey
why would i not talk to you?
im just petrified of you
Joanne Reid
10:57
so whats the deal?
Joe Spizzirri
10:58
I think Em and i drifted cause of distance
i can't deal with it
Joanne Reid
10:59
well i don't really think there was any trying involved...
Joe Spizzirri
10:59
are you serious?
Joanne Reid
10:59
do tell me how you tried...
just to help me out
Joe Spizzirri
10:59
tell me how she tried?
Joanne Reid
10:59
i am just asking
Joe Spizzirri
11:00
well we talked, and i visted a few times
i just had a struggle to deal with us being so far away from each other
and i feel like when i started to talk to her less, she didn't initiate things at all
so then when i get caught up in work and stuff we just stopped talking
i don't wanna give the wrong impression
Joanne Reid
11:01
because she would wait to see if you would try and talk to her
Joe Spizzirri
11:01
what if i was doing the same thing?
Joanne Reid
11:01
same thin? like what?
Joe Spizzirri
11:01
same thing she was doing?
what if i was waiting to see what she would do?
Joanne Reid
11:02
i donno...
Joe Spizzirri
11:02
that's not what i was doing, but she didn't really seem to try
Joanne Reid
11:03
bc she was doing the same thing to you
Joe Spizzirri
11:03
so when i lost track of us, she didn't seem to care
Joanne Reid
11:04
oh she didn't care?
wow
Joe Spizzirri
11:04
you live with her jo
when she never talks to me or reaches out that's what it seems like
i mean ultiamtely it's my fault.. but i don't feel like theere was too much effot on either side
Joanne Reid
11:07
well you didn't seem to have reached out to her either
Joe Spizzirri
11:07
i know
but it's a two way road
neither of us were on it
Joanne Reid
11:07
i know but still
Joe Spizzirri
11:08
it's both of our faults
it's not fun
it kidna sucks
but that's what it is
Joanne Reid
11:09
but i mean i was there your convos were short, you wouldn't text back
Joe Spizzirri
11:09
ok, blame me for it then
Joanne Reid
11:09
i am just saying
oanne Reid
11:12
do you care?
Joe Spizzirri
11:12
yes i care
but what do you want me to say?
i felt like we drifted and no one cared
Joanne Reid
11:14
well what are your intentions now?
Joe Spizzirri
11:15
with what?
Joanne Reid
11:15
where are you going to go from here?
Joe Spizzirri
11:15
i have no idea
where does she wanna go?
Joanne Reid
11:23
i don't get it
...
i'd say that not untrue
...
Joe Spizzirri
11:25
it's not a forgone conclusion
but there is not much hope in all honesty
specially if she really does move to CA
Joanne Reid
11:26
so she is not worth trying to make that work?
i mean that is the question
i mean my brother made it across the ocean...
Joe Spizzirri
11:26
oh
Joanne Reid
11:26
it all depends on whats in the heart
and if you want it that bad...
you can't just say distance, that means nothing
Joe Spizzirri
11:26
she's worth it, but she's not tryin other
Joanne Reid
11:27
i made it 8 months, and would still be going if he did not cheat on me
Joe Spizzirri
11:27
with all do respect, distance is not nothing
Joanne Reid
11:27
if you want it that bad you can make it work
Joe Spizzirri
11:27
right
you made it 8 months
he didn't
Joanne Reid
11:27
he did
Joe Spizzirri
11:27
ok
Joanne Reid
11:27
he was up here with me for 10 days after, the night he got home from up here he cheated
Joe Spizzirri
11:27
i'm not that strong
Joanne Reid
11:27
well then it all comes to what you want
and if she is not that then tell me now
Joe Spizzirri
11:28
there is nothing to tell you
Joanne Reid
11:28
nothing
what do you mean by nothing?
Joe Spizzirri
11:28
i have nothing to say to that
there is no response that i can come up with
i don't want to go after something when i don't have a consistent idea of what we're doing
Joanne Reid
11:30
well you could if both of you tried
and not sat there and were both like well i am waiting for him/ or vise versa
Joe Spizzirri
11:31
probably true
Joanne Reid
11:32
well then i think i need to stop being the goto about all this and you two need to figure it out
i can't fix everything. i just try because i care about my sister and this shit is not cool
i know its not all you, and i know she should have made the move a couple times but your insecurity about the distance shuts her down.
because it is like saying she is not good enough to make it work, it hurts
Joe Spizzirri
11:34Joe Spizzirri
11:35
that im not ready for that kidna commitment
Joanne Reid
11:35
then couldn't you have said that and not some other excuse?
get real come on, this is not high school anymore
that's kina a depressing way to think about it
Joe Spizzirri
11:36
haha, wow
you are just insulting and clueless
Joanne Reid
11:37
insulting?
Joe Spizzirri
11:37
yes
it's not high school
it's real life
Joanne Reid
11:37
exactly
then why say it is not the distance, and that you're just not ready for the commitment..
why come up with something else
that is the high school part
Joe Spizzirri
11:38
no
im not ready for a distance relationship
if she was here it's a different thing
Joanne Reid
11:38
but you just said it was the commitment.
Joe Spizzirri
11:35
that im not ready for that kidna commitment
Joe Spizzirri
11:38
due to distance
Joanne Reid
11:38
but just distance is not good enough
Joe Spizzirri
11:39
ok
i know i can't do it cause of distance
the end
Joanne Reid
11:39
but then again who says your worth her loving you anyway. don't ever say that kind of thing about me. I was sitting here nicely trying to help my sister out because i love her. so whatever, and goodnight
Joanne Reid
11:34
well how else should she think of it?
i mean come on
you don't give her any other reason besides distance... so what is that supposed to say?
So, what do you think folks? My little sister is a peach. She does this because she's upset that I'm getting hurt. I just don't know what to say anymore. OI. The decision about carmel is very hard.
The store here is not very organized and such. I don't know what to do about this. We haven't talked money, and it is gonna take a lot to keep me here. There isn't much around I guess. Maybe I'll see more I like on Sat when I get to drive around with Veronica. Veronica is pretty awesome. I like her a lot. She's pretty interesting when it comes down to it. She just can't do everything on her own.
I don't know what I want to do with my life. I need to deal with these things and try and figure out where i want to go with the rest of my life. I need to know money from these people and see if they can even afford to have me out here. They're talking apartments, I just want to know what they're going to be paying me. I don't really know what else to say but that. I need to know something.
If I come to CA things are going to be very over with Joe. Though I'm not sure that is what I really feel I want. I know it would be better for me to get away. hell, we'd probably communicate better if I was always up three hours later -- cause for once he'd be around to talk. I can't deal with him and his lack of communication. he says I didn't try. I initiated many times, and he just sort of blew me off or didn't want to have a conversation. I am just not so happy with this. I also just don't know what to do. So yeah, he has commitment issues...what else is new??
Anyway, I'd love comments and input. Thanks folks.
<3
M
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
OMG CALIFORNIA
Well, I'm officially in California. I got in yesterday and I'm writing at some absurd time on the east coast. It feels a little weird to be awake when I know how early it is back home.
The days before the flight were rather nerve wracking and I was pretty nervous about doing this on my own. The flight was long. 5 hours on a plane is just too long. I then had to go and find my baggage which wasn't fun because we got in early and they kept moving the baggage to different offload areas. It was a pain in the butt. Finally, with the help of a few CA natives I'd met before the plane ride, we managed to discover our luggage and get to our next adventure.
I had to go and get a rental car. that kinda sucked. I rented from Fox, which is rather sketchy. Got a freaking PT cruiser. Which was the one car I didn't want to have to drive. Lovely. Then it was a two hour drive to Carmel where I've been for the past day.
Yesterday, Bob, the manager of the Carmel store, met me at the hotel and took me around to the store and all around Carmel. We walked around on the beach and talked about Carmel and store things, as well as getting off on a few very good tangents which were...awesome to say the least.
We went to dinner at a local bar and watched the games while we were chatting and eating.
Today was hanging out, and by that I mean working with Bob at the store. I met Veronica, and she is another girl who works there. She's 22 and rather reminds me of people who are very judgmental of people they are just meeting for the first time. It is rather interesting to be here and doing this. I almost felt as though this day would not end up coming. I'm surprised by the fact that things are going rather well, and i'm happy that we ended up doing very well for a Monday at the store. I hope we can keep up the high numbers so that they really understand who they are dealing with. if the sales stay up perhaps they'll realize that they need to offer me a rather large sum of money and help me move out there. I think they will though. I'm rather looking forward to trying to be on my own. I mean, I come, and if for some reason I fail, my family is always behind me. But to pass up this adventure would be to pass up the chance to really change my life.
I'll have to figure out what will go on with my life for these days to come. Joe is still on my mind, and I still feel angry and used. I'm not pleased about it, but, I don't want to deal with it anymore. He doesn't have the time or the want to be with me, and he refuses to try. It is so odd to me that things are ending up as they have every time before even after we swore to try harder and figure things out. We had a good run of it, for us, but in the end it turned out the same way it began. We, or rather, he, blew it. I don't understand any of it. I can't say I ever have. He comes back, says everything is different and that it will change, and yet, it ends the same way. With him fading out and then wanting to stay in my life just a little bit...
He started talking to me tonight. He doesn't understand anything I say. He doesn't get that he has hurt me, horribly. He doesn't get that I don't really want to be friends with him -- as much as, at the same time -- I want to be with him so badly. I want him to miss me, to realize he made a mistake. I don't want to feel like I'm the only one who actually cares about this -- the only one who hurts. Somehow I'll deal with it. I just have to make sure that I"m making the right choices and not using this in California as an escape. I don't want to hide, which is why I carry on conversations with him when he wants to -- because as much as I don't want anything to do with him, I crave his attention, and want him to actually care about me. Because somehow I can't figure out how someone can go from caring about you so much to not caring at all. What happened Joe? What happened this time when everything seemed to be going so right?
I have a lot of choices to make pretty soon, so I hope that somehow I can make them, even when I feel numb. Right now, I just feel numb. My heart doesn't flutter the same way when I talk to him. I cannot muster the excitement I used to have. All I used to want was a chance with him. But, I guess I won't get that, can't get that. I just have to be okay with that -- somehow. One of these days, I'll feel like someone (a boyfriend type someone) loves me and genuinely cares about me. I hope that day comes soon. Because I cannot take much more of this.
Anyway, thinking happy thoughts from Carmel, CA! I feel a little like I'm playing where's Waldo :-).
~M
The days before the flight were rather nerve wracking and I was pretty nervous about doing this on my own. The flight was long. 5 hours on a plane is just too long. I then had to go and find my baggage which wasn't fun because we got in early and they kept moving the baggage to different offload areas. It was a pain in the butt. Finally, with the help of a few CA natives I'd met before the plane ride, we managed to discover our luggage and get to our next adventure.
I had to go and get a rental car. that kinda sucked. I rented from Fox, which is rather sketchy. Got a freaking PT cruiser. Which was the one car I didn't want to have to drive. Lovely. Then it was a two hour drive to Carmel where I've been for the past day.
Yesterday, Bob, the manager of the Carmel store, met me at the hotel and took me around to the store and all around Carmel. We walked around on the beach and talked about Carmel and store things, as well as getting off on a few very good tangents which were...awesome to say the least.
We went to dinner at a local bar and watched the games while we were chatting and eating.
Today was hanging out, and by that I mean working with Bob at the store. I met Veronica, and she is another girl who works there. She's 22 and rather reminds me of people who are very judgmental of people they are just meeting for the first time. It is rather interesting to be here and doing this. I almost felt as though this day would not end up coming. I'm surprised by the fact that things are going rather well, and i'm happy that we ended up doing very well for a Monday at the store. I hope we can keep up the high numbers so that they really understand who they are dealing with. if the sales stay up perhaps they'll realize that they need to offer me a rather large sum of money and help me move out there. I think they will though. I'm rather looking forward to trying to be on my own. I mean, I come, and if for some reason I fail, my family is always behind me. But to pass up this adventure would be to pass up the chance to really change my life.
I'll have to figure out what will go on with my life for these days to come. Joe is still on my mind, and I still feel angry and used. I'm not pleased about it, but, I don't want to deal with it anymore. He doesn't have the time or the want to be with me, and he refuses to try. It is so odd to me that things are ending up as they have every time before even after we swore to try harder and figure things out. We had a good run of it, for us, but in the end it turned out the same way it began. We, or rather, he, blew it. I don't understand any of it. I can't say I ever have. He comes back, says everything is different and that it will change, and yet, it ends the same way. With him fading out and then wanting to stay in my life just a little bit...
He started talking to me tonight. He doesn't understand anything I say. He doesn't get that he has hurt me, horribly. He doesn't get that I don't really want to be friends with him -- as much as, at the same time -- I want to be with him so badly. I want him to miss me, to realize he made a mistake. I don't want to feel like I'm the only one who actually cares about this -- the only one who hurts. Somehow I'll deal with it. I just have to make sure that I"m making the right choices and not using this in California as an escape. I don't want to hide, which is why I carry on conversations with him when he wants to -- because as much as I don't want anything to do with him, I crave his attention, and want him to actually care about me. Because somehow I can't figure out how someone can go from caring about you so much to not caring at all. What happened Joe? What happened this time when everything seemed to be going so right?
I have a lot of choices to make pretty soon, so I hope that somehow I can make them, even when I feel numb. Right now, I just feel numb. My heart doesn't flutter the same way when I talk to him. I cannot muster the excitement I used to have. All I used to want was a chance with him. But, I guess I won't get that, can't get that. I just have to be okay with that -- somehow. One of these days, I'll feel like someone (a boyfriend type someone) loves me and genuinely cares about me. I hope that day comes soon. Because I cannot take much more of this.
Anyway, thinking happy thoughts from Carmel, CA! I feel a little like I'm playing where's Waldo :-).
~M
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Regrets?
Well, I wrote a whole entry at work today about the old men who visit us regularly at the store. And then it deleted it. ...
Basically, they are both gentlemen who want to be remembered. I don't really feel like writing a ton on it again as it was soooo long the first time. They want to talk to someone who cares, and someone who listens. They want their stories to be remembered. They are around a lot...so it is always nice to hear from them every week. They're great men and I wish their families appreciated them as they should. One of them has very ungrateful grandchildren. They told him they wouldn't use pens which he'd collected for years before they were even born. They told him they were useless, and that is just so disrespectful to me. You don't do that to your grandparents. UGH. I will never forget these two men. They have changed frowns to smiles so many times, just because they always remember to stop in and say hi :-) I'll never forget them.
Anyway, one of them said recently, that he regretted everything he didn't do in his childhood. The pain I felt in his voice brought tears to my eyes. He was old enough that he did not have the ability to do all of the things he regretted not doing. I don't want to do that. I don't want to feel that way when I'm older. I want to achieve everything and leave out nothing. Here is to adventures, and never being scared to try a new thing! I promise to take the offered adventures, and to make the best of all of them!
Basically, they are both gentlemen who want to be remembered. I don't really feel like writing a ton on it again as it was soooo long the first time. They want to talk to someone who cares, and someone who listens. They want their stories to be remembered. They are around a lot...so it is always nice to hear from them every week. They're great men and I wish their families appreciated them as they should. One of them has very ungrateful grandchildren. They told him they wouldn't use pens which he'd collected for years before they were even born. They told him they were useless, and that is just so disrespectful to me. You don't do that to your grandparents. UGH. I will never forget these two men. They have changed frowns to smiles so many times, just because they always remember to stop in and say hi :-) I'll never forget them.
Anyway, one of them said recently, that he regretted everything he didn't do in his childhood. The pain I felt in his voice brought tears to my eyes. He was old enough that he did not have the ability to do all of the things he regretted not doing. I don't want to do that. I don't want to feel that way when I'm older. I want to achieve everything and leave out nothing. Here is to adventures, and never being scared to try a new thing! I promise to take the offered adventures, and to make the best of all of them!
More on Cali
Anyway, things are falling nicely into place. I have the interview in California coming up. I talked to Bob, the manager of the California store, yesterday, and I am even more excited than I originally was -- if that is even possible. They are a great and very talented group of people, I really hope I fit in and am able to really get into working with them. I hope they offer me enough money to join their team and live out in California.
I can't wait. I leave on the 20th and I get back on the 27th. W00t, whole week of no work. When was the last time that happened??? I can't even remember. I'm so excited. They have such a beautiful place. I can't wait. I need to start studying up on some of the companies they sell which I don't currently deal with. I need to know some specs on each and pros and cons. Welcome back to studying! EEEEP. I cannot wait!
Everything else is going. I can't really say much about Joe. I'm in and out on that one. There is so much distance between us that most of the time lately I cannot tell anything from what he's saying and doing. I end up mad about something, and he doesn't see it at all. I don't know what to do anymore. Four weeks ago I would have said fight until we figured it out, but I'm starting to realize that that may not be possible. We don't talk anymore. He realizes once and a while that he hasn't heard from me and gets back in touch a little, but nothing more. This wasn't supposed to happen this time. I cannot, and will not play this back and forth game anymore. I've felt like this for years, and if this is really the end of it, let it be. But I don't like feeling like a yo-yo. I'm around when he wants me around and that is the way it has stayed. I want him to be around when I want him around, because we want to see each other, and I think it is quite beyond that point now. I think he made that choice when he said that two hours away was too far away to date. I just don't know. It is going to take something pretty drastic to make me really take another look into whether or not this is going to work out in the end. We all want our happy ending, but we have to realize that happy endings are relative. They aren't the same for every person, and they certainly are a little more than deluded childhood dreams.
Happy endings are a thing of fairy tales. They are a thing of dreams. Men are not knights who ride in and rescue you from yourself or your enemies. They don't even have horses anymore. But they are not what we make them out to be. Men are selfish, just like women are. Men are going to go for what works for them. Lack of commitment and lots of ass. And that is fine, we don't have to like it, we don't have to be okay with it even. But what we do have to do is stop expecting each and every guy to be perfect and rescue us. We set ourselves up for this crap. We set ourselves up to be bantered around and played. We know what we're getting into, deny it all we want, but we aren't that stupid. Well, most of us aren't anyway. So what now? Where do we go from here? As yourself what you want and get on to it.
<3
M
I can't wait. I leave on the 20th and I get back on the 27th. W00t, whole week of no work. When was the last time that happened??? I can't even remember. I'm so excited. They have such a beautiful place. I can't wait. I need to start studying up on some of the companies they sell which I don't currently deal with. I need to know some specs on each and pros and cons. Welcome back to studying! EEEEP. I cannot wait!
Everything else is going. I can't really say much about Joe. I'm in and out on that one. There is so much distance between us that most of the time lately I cannot tell anything from what he's saying and doing. I end up mad about something, and he doesn't see it at all. I don't know what to do anymore. Four weeks ago I would have said fight until we figured it out, but I'm starting to realize that that may not be possible. We don't talk anymore. He realizes once and a while that he hasn't heard from me and gets back in touch a little, but nothing more. This wasn't supposed to happen this time. I cannot, and will not play this back and forth game anymore. I've felt like this for years, and if this is really the end of it, let it be. But I don't like feeling like a yo-yo. I'm around when he wants me around and that is the way it has stayed. I want him to be around when I want him around, because we want to see each other, and I think it is quite beyond that point now. I think he made that choice when he said that two hours away was too far away to date. I just don't know. It is going to take something pretty drastic to make me really take another look into whether or not this is going to work out in the end. We all want our happy ending, but we have to realize that happy endings are relative. They aren't the same for every person, and they certainly are a little more than deluded childhood dreams.
Happy endings are a thing of fairy tales. They are a thing of dreams. Men are not knights who ride in and rescue you from yourself or your enemies. They don't even have horses anymore. But they are not what we make them out to be. Men are selfish, just like women are. Men are going to go for what works for them. Lack of commitment and lots of ass. And that is fine, we don't have to like it, we don't have to be okay with it even. But what we do have to do is stop expecting each and every guy to be perfect and rescue us. We set ourselves up for this crap. We set ourselves up to be bantered around and played. We know what we're getting into, deny it all we want, but we aren't that stupid. Well, most of us aren't anyway. So what now? Where do we go from here? As yourself what you want and get on to it.
<3
M
Thursday, September 3, 2009
So here is to something new
Things had to change. So they changed. And, while I felt things were falling apart, suddenly things were getting a whole lot better.
About a week ago, I was at work, answering phones, par the usual, "Thank you for calling Pen Boutique, this is Emily. How can I help you?" When on the other end of the phone,
"Hi, Emily, this is Bob, from Bittners. We met at the pen show."
"Hi, how are you doing?"
"Well thanks, and yourself. How is your Omas?"
"I love it, it is fantastic."
"I have a question for you. Were you serious about moving to a better location?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Okay, are you busy?"
"No, not really"
"I'll call you back."
That was interesting. About ten minutes later, the owner of Bittner's pens called.
"Hi, this is Bittner. I hear you'd be interested in coming out to California and seeing our location."
So, he takes my cell, and we talk later -- after I'm done with work. Bittner basically said "I'm going to send you a ticket to Carmel California and you can come out for a week and interact in our operations. Then, you we can discuss you joining our team"
Holy cow. I already have tickets to go to California in a few weeks to be there for a week -- they sent them a few days ago. What an opportunity. They both told me how impressed they were with me when they saw me at the pen show this year. I was joking with Bob about getting a job with them in Hawaii. I think I actually prefer Carmel California. It is one of the last little artists' hide aways in the USA. It is absolutely beautiful and referred to as Carmel by the sea. Even though I'm not addicted to the sea the idea of this just feels so right. I'm actually super excited to get out there and see this place. This shop has so much overhead and so much money to just survive. It is absolutely the coolest place ever. Some of the most famous people in American writing history spent time in Carmel as they were writing some of their greatest works. Count me in folks, I'm outta here if this job comes through. And probably if it doesn't.
Oh, yeah, about that. The rents are moving to Chicago. And though I'm not sure I'll love Chicago, I cannot afford to stay in MD and live around here. Though, my boss says she'll make sure that I have the same two days off so I can get a second job, rather than her trying to help me out or actually pay me what I deserve. She wants me to be the manager, but she doesn't want to pay me anything more than the shit pay she already pays me. I can't wait to get out of here.
There had been other options on the table. There was Philadelphia, but apparently that would have been a horrible choice. There is also Florida, which I don't love the idea of, and there is Tennessee where Angela is. Tho, Angela said that if I am heading to CA she'll come with and move out and find a job. We'd have so much fun together! I really don't want to go on my own...but. I need an adventure. I need to get away from the old things which are always hanging over my head. I need to be out on my own and making my own way in the world. It should be interesting. I am super excited to figure all of this out. Two weeks from Sunday I'm off to California -- Off to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life.
About a week ago, I was at work, answering phones, par the usual, "Thank you for calling Pen Boutique, this is Emily. How can I help you?" When on the other end of the phone,
"Hi, Emily, this is Bob, from Bittners. We met at the pen show."
"Hi, how are you doing?"
"Well thanks, and yourself. How is your Omas?"
"I love it, it is fantastic."
"I have a question for you. Were you serious about moving to a better location?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Okay, are you busy?"
"No, not really"
"I'll call you back."
That was interesting. About ten minutes later, the owner of Bittner's pens called.
"Hi, this is Bittner. I hear you'd be interested in coming out to California and seeing our location."
So, he takes my cell, and we talk later -- after I'm done with work. Bittner basically said "I'm going to send you a ticket to Carmel California and you can come out for a week and interact in our operations. Then, you we can discuss you joining our team"
Holy cow. I already have tickets to go to California in a few weeks to be there for a week -- they sent them a few days ago. What an opportunity. They both told me how impressed they were with me when they saw me at the pen show this year. I was joking with Bob about getting a job with them in Hawaii. I think I actually prefer Carmel California. It is one of the last little artists' hide aways in the USA. It is absolutely beautiful and referred to as Carmel by the sea. Even though I'm not addicted to the sea the idea of this just feels so right. I'm actually super excited to get out there and see this place. This shop has so much overhead and so much money to just survive. It is absolutely the coolest place ever. Some of the most famous people in American writing history spent time in Carmel as they were writing some of their greatest works. Count me in folks, I'm outta here if this job comes through. And probably if it doesn't.
Oh, yeah, about that. The rents are moving to Chicago. And though I'm not sure I'll love Chicago, I cannot afford to stay in MD and live around here. Though, my boss says she'll make sure that I have the same two days off so I can get a second job, rather than her trying to help me out or actually pay me what I deserve. She wants me to be the manager, but she doesn't want to pay me anything more than the shit pay she already pays me. I can't wait to get out of here.
There had been other options on the table. There was Philadelphia, but apparently that would have been a horrible choice. There is also Florida, which I don't love the idea of, and there is Tennessee where Angela is. Tho, Angela said that if I am heading to CA she'll come with and move out and find a job. We'd have so much fun together! I really don't want to go on my own...but. I need an adventure. I need to get away from the old things which are always hanging over my head. I need to be out on my own and making my own way in the world. It should be interesting. I am super excited to figure all of this out. Two weeks from Sunday I'm off to California -- Off to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life.
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