I find it amazing that this used to be my idea of perfection and where my dreams took me. This is the happily ever after I wanted from my life, and actually thought for a time that I had found. Joe said to me, while he was breaking my heart -- again --, that he'd thought that this would be his last relationship, that things would end with me. I guess he was wrong, and I was just as wrong to have been thinking the same damn thing. I was looking at freaking engagement rings. Welcome to major sucking. This is just what I wanted, and what I'd set myself up to believe I could have.

On a side note, why is it that when I start thinking about him, or writing about him, that he pops up into my life in one way or another? I don't like this weird shit at all.

Sooo, I'm doing my best and moving day to day. This year 1/1/11 I am making a resolution to have him out of my life this year. Yes, we might be casual friends, but I will not have him in my life as anything more than that. Hopefully I can stick to this resolution. I don't often make them, but I hope that this one I can actually stick to. 

I'm holding up better -- and though I'm still a bit prone to feeling depressed, but things are getting better. I've re-joined a few dating sites, and I'm hoping that I can be more active and meet more people. I want someone else in my life, but I won't settle for someone who isn't going to appreciate me. I'm demanding more. I won't settle for anything anymore. I just end up getting hurt, and I don't want to do that anymore. 

Anyway, Happy New Year!