More on Cali

Anyway, things are falling nicely into place. I have the interview in California coming up. I talked to Bob, the manager of the California store, yesterday, and I am even more excited than I originally was -- if that is even possible. They are a great and very talented group of people, I really hope I fit in and am able to really get into working with them. I hope they offer me enough money to join their team and live out in California.

I can't wait. I leave on the 20th and I get back on the 27th. W00t, whole week of no work. When was the last time that happened??? I can't even remember. I'm so excited. They have such a beautiful place. I can't wait. I need to start studying up on some of the companies they sell which I don't currently deal with. I need to know some specs on each and pros and cons. Welcome back to studying! EEEEP. I cannot wait!

Everything else is going. I can't really say much about Joe. I'm in and out on that one. There is so much distance between us that most of the time lately I cannot tell anything from what he's saying and doing. I end up mad about something, and he doesn't see it at all. I don't know what to do anymore. Four weeks ago I would have said fight until we figured it out, but I'm starting to realize that that may not be possible. We don't talk anymore. He realizes once and a while that he hasn't heard from me and gets back in touch a little, but nothing more. This wasn't supposed to happen this time. I cannot, and will not play this back and forth game anymore. I've felt like this for years, and if this is really the end of it, let it be. But I don't like feeling like a yo-yo. I'm around when he wants me around and that is the way it has stayed. I want him to be around when I want him around, because we want to see each other, and I think it is quite beyond that point now. I think he made that choice when he said that two hours away was too far away to date. I just don't know. It is going to take something pretty drastic to make me really take another look into whether or not this is going to work out in the end. We all want our happy ending, but we have to realize that happy endings are relative. They aren't the same for every person, and they certainly are a little more than deluded childhood dreams.
Happy endings are a thing of fairy tales. They are a thing of dreams. Men are not knights who ride in and rescue you from yourself or your enemies. They don't even have horses anymore. But they are not what we make them out to be. Men are selfish, just like women are. Men are going to go for what works for them. Lack of commitment and lots of ass. And that is fine, we don't have to like it, we don't have to be okay with it even. But what we do have to do is stop expecting each and every guy to be perfect and rescue us. We set ourselves up for this crap. We set ourselves up to be bantered around and played. We know what we're getting into, deny it all we want, but we aren't that stupid. Well, most of us aren't anyway. So what now? Where do we go from here? As yourself what you want and get on to it.

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M