I once said I found my soul mate. I thought I had found my completed half to the universal whole. "Je me sens comme si j'ai redécouvert mon autre moitié." I thought that, and then I figured out that just how it feels to hurt every day and every night. It sucks more than I thought it would -- to try and always be forgetting. But how do you forget? Answer: you don't. It doesn't happen. I cannot be the girl who is always hurting. I do not know anymore, who I am or who I want to be. For the longest time I just wanted to be with him and figure things out along the road. Right now I’m fighting to figure out where I’ll be in the next few months – and who I’ll eventually be with.
There are so many stories I could tell, of the dreams I have and the memories which flash through my head and catch my breath in my throat. There are times when my heart is so constricted that I feel the need to remove the daggers which pierce my heart and constrict it’s beat. I just cannot play this anymore.
If there were a way to remove memories which one finds painful, would you? Would you risk all of your memories to stop the pain you’ve had for so long?
What would you do?
I wouldn't. Memories make you who you are (all inclusive you). Without them you wouldn't be the same person. You have to take it one day at a time. Worrying about the future is a great way to end up like Zack and just make things worse for yourself. You have to get to the point where you're happy *alone*. Where you don't find yourself wondering about a certain boy everytime your head hits the pillow and you snuggle your body pillow wishing it was breathing.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time, it's far from easy, and you'll still find yourself wondering from time to time...but what's meant to be will be...it just takes time.