Monday, May 31, 2010

Watermark

So, getting this blog back to where it is actually supposed to be: I just finished reading --  
Watermark by Vanitha Sankaran: Download Cover


by Vanitha Sankaran. 

This was a pretty impressive read. It didn't take me too long to finish, but it was certainly a book I was not, at any point, ready to put down and finish later. 
The premise for this book was actually quite interesting, and I really loved the way the first chapter was done. Thrown into the mess we were. 
A midwife, against the orders of the church, cuts a baby from her dying mother's womb. The baby, born albino -- in a world where witchcraft and heritics are found and killed through ignorance and supersition by friends and neighbors -- is taken by the midwife. The midwife knows that she should kill the child...
but she cannot bring herself to do it. Instead, she cuts out the child's tongue so that the babe may never preach the words of the devil.
The baby's sister and father rescue her, but there is nothing they can do. She is mute. Mute in a world who already fears her because of her coloring... most importantly, her eyes.

Her father is a papermaker. He does not sell much and simply enjoys the work he does. She becomes his apprentice and goes on during the time of heritics and death by the church. The whole story is about her life and how she hides herself away from the damndation of the church and accidentally brings the heritics right into her families lives. 

An absolutely amazing read! It wasn't on my list, but has now been added and scratched out. I soon will be starting On Folly Beach:

On Folly Beach by Karen White: CD Audiobook Cover

by Karen White. 

It is a mystery and I'm rather looking forward to seeing what this novel has to offer. 
I'll keep everyone updated.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

True Freedom

What were we like as children, before we were hurt by anything the first time? What were we like when we were naive to the pain of the world? And, how, I ask, do we return to that place from wence we came?

I would love to know the answers to these riddles, for my past doggs me like a shadow some days, and today is particularly bad.

As I try and delve further into my future, a future that I always felt I wouldn't have -- for some odd reason. I am finding it very hard to move forward and leave the past where it fell. First, let me explain about this not having a future thing. I have always felt as though there was no worry about considering the future. I never thought I would make it to college, and from there, I could have never imagined that I would make it to where I am today. There is no specific reason, just a feeling, and it has shadowed me these long years. It has, however, abated lately and I can see that there is something for me. What fun -- now I just have to figure out what it is.

Time to figure out how to move forward, and really leave the past behind.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Of all the things i've believed in
I just wanna get it over with
Tears from behind me eyes but i do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like i'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend

And I said...
Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seem that i can't live without you
Closing my eyes and you case my thoughts away
To a place that i am blinded by the light

But it's not right...

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

The one thing that i tried to hold on to...

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to


And when the stars fall i will lie awake...

You're my shooting star...

Friday, April 23, 2010

updates from back down 'south'

Yes, technically, Maryland is south. And yes, I'm back down south -- though most people who actually read this already know that.

Lets get to some updates:
Life in Emily land has been pretty laid back. I'm slowly getting into the playing of disk again, and still have the throws, but need the endurance back. I'm tired of feeling tired. I really need to start working out again and get myself back into better shape. It is, afterall, almost bikini season! And with bikini season it is flip flop season...and thus the season to get my tattoo! That should be fun and will require a road trip to visit the artist who has been reccomended in NY. And, of course, to see some more of Katy.
I've got my resume up and posted, and have been searching through lists and lists of jobs trying to figure out if there is actually something I want to do and as an even added bonus, something I'm qualified for. I'll be seeing what happens, as it just comes and continues on with day to day life.
Last weekend was an adventure, to say the least. Gettysburg for the weekend is always fun, and everything else is just a bonus. I got to hang out with Joe, who has (in conjuncture with myself) decided that we should be friends...if that happens. Needless to say straying to friends with benifits will be quite easy and get thrown into the 'don't have weekend regrets' category.
Disk was fun, though extremely windy and very cold. I went up friday night and hung out with Joe and Lisa and Geoff and Al. I rather enjoyed hanging out with that group. I'd never managed to hang out with Al w/o Ashley -- and it was actually quite a good time.
Saturday morning dawned way too early and it was quite obvious that it was very cold...and only going to get colder. Welcome to brrrr. And winter in the middle of what should have been a beautiful spring weekend. It was very cold, but we banged out a few games and managed to win all of our games, even coming down to the Alumni v. Gettysburg game (the last of the day). By that time we were SO cold that most of us were huddling around trying to save a scrap of warmth. Ugh. It was awful. We did not really enjoy the whole cold bit.
We finished the tournament and Joe and I headed back to Lisa and Geoff's place. After hopping quick showers we went out to a long wait for dinner and then back to the apartment to hang out. Hanging out resulted in nap time, which was fantastic. I was still cold and exhausted so getting to cuddle up and take a well deserved nap was just fantastic.
The nap could have turned into sleeping for the night, but instead we went out to the Blue Parrot and hung out with all of our alumni friends and some others from around. It was a good time, though a few of the moements were a bit rather awkward.
After that it was back to the apartment for the evening, with much crashing and shenanegans...  and then time to get up for another cold day of disk. Both weekend days were deceptively cold. Nice in the morning and colder and colder throughout the day. The wind wasn't as bad on Sunday, at least to start. We rocked two of the games and lost our last one against Gettysburg. By that time people were all cold and ready to go home.
I dropped Joe off, managed a hug and got told to say hi to 'Taz' for him. And so ended the weekend at Gettysburg.
Jim and I headed back to my house and had a really wonderful dinner before just about passing out on the couch. I think I tanked around 9 pm and have spent quite a bit of time recovering from the long weekend of cold and lack of sleep.

The rest of this week has been keeping the house clean and ready to be on the market, disk, and taking the dogs to the park. It was pretty fun and very much nice taking the dogs out. I've been relaxing, and it is now time to chill and get ready to get back to the gym on Monday and heading to workout for the next weeks to come.
I've been invited to join a disk team out of Balimore with a couple of people I've played with over the years. Topher most importantly. It is always lovely to get a call and have someone say "We are in need of good girls, and your name came up." What fun. I can't wait to get some time to run around with a real team. I have really missed playing competitive ultimate. So.. this should be an adventure... time to get back in the gym and get my ass back in shape! Also...finding a job would be good.

end of story...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Dreams

Dreams are weird and strange things. I really do not enjoy what I dream some days. It is almost as though someone is provoking me and laughing at the realization that I cannot have of what I dream. It screws me over and screws me up. It takes me days to shake off the way that I feel after waking up.

and by the way Great tea ginger ale is fantastic.

Okay, back to the dreams:
A few days ago I was given to re-visit the way that I used to so frequently dream. I have blessedly been un hindered in my dreaming of Joe and 'perfection' for at least six months, but like an acme anvil they flattened me and my dream state by rudely interrupting the pleasantries of my dreams.

Anyway, the dreams really sucked, and I'll leave it at that. Sometimes the torture of the dreams I feel really does hurt every day. I wish for the 'reality' I dream about, but I know that it can never be.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools

If I say "I love you."
Just today,
Will I have the strength
To have you laugh it away.

Would I be able to say it
Just to get it away.
My heart is breaking
Holding it all inside.

But today,
Maybe I could say it,
And let it go
Maybe I could be okay.

Then you could laugh
And you could wonder
Are you the fool,
or am I?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Days later and we're still BOXED in!

Okay, spare me the lecture for the bad joke ^^ and let me commence with an apology for the lack of updates as I've wandered from home and landed myself first in NY and now in MA. Where will the roaming gnome go next? I'm not really sure, but I think back to Maryland. It is high time that I figured out things so that I can know where my life is going.
The gnome will roam to TN to visit Angela, FL to visit the boys (and maybe take a job), and then to NY for the long awaited tattoo with the Fetzer person (can't get a foot tattoo in the winter. And with moving it would have SUCKED).  I'm still pretty excited to get it though.
Okay, so lets dash back to the 22nd real quick and start at about 9 Am.
The movers arrive, and I have to deal with the dogs and with the men, who are quite cute and mostly in their late twenties. :-) that was part of a rather good day. They came in as Grandpa was eating his breakfast. He said hello and got their names, but didn't want to show them around the house, so you can imagine whose job that became. More than happy to help, and having moved so many times, it wasn't hard to deal with. Afterall, Mom was on the way already and I couldn't wait to have a little backup.
The guys gaped at the amount of stuff they were gonna have to put into boxes, and I did my best to throw things out along the way so we would have less to un-pack on the other end. It went pretty smoothly with them packing and occasionally asking questions. The dogs were more than once threatened with entrapment in a box, (particularly Tazzy man) because they would not leave the workers alone. (Tazzy because he has a new fascination with tap rolls, and attempts to attack them while they are being used to close boxes. What fun!)
Mom finally arrives and Grandpa pretty visibly relaxed and the game continued to be played. One guy, Scott, was rocking through the kitchen at such blinding speed that I was relatively unable to keep up with the things he was packing and the things he wasn't. (ON the flip side of this he was not so organized when packing because he was taking bits of this and bits of that Bitsa bitsa, and upon unpacking some of these boxes he appears to have been rather skitzo about what he was putting where. We got a kick out of it, but it made unpacking rather hard.)
The guys stopped working about 4 thirty and promised to return bright and early the next day. It seemed that would be the way things were going, and they were not yet even close to done so our time line of packing monday and tuesday and loading 1/2 Tuesday and Wednesday, was not going to work out. As it was they were already overworked and there seemed not to be enough people to manage what they were working on.
Tuesday dawned and the movers were here bright and early. Mom and I had managed through dinner with everyone and Nana was dealing better than Grandpa at this point. What fun. Another crew of guys and then another whole day of packing passed with little incident. Murphy's law didn't get us until Wednesday, the worst day for a disaster and...of course we got one.
Things were going normally on Wednesday morning. There was still a lot to do and the movers as well as everyone else were all stressed. It seemed, for a little while, that there was just no way that things would actually get completed. Then the accident happened.
My grandfather was downstairs trying to help everyone get the work bench apart when he got himself tangled in some plastic cover and fell. He hit hard, cut his elbow and his knee (He's on asprin and over 85 so this was messy). He was bleeding all over the place and the skin was missing on knee and elbow. The worst part was that he couldn't move his shoulder, at all. He had landed so hard on the elbow that he basically had an impact injury in his shoulder.
I got ice packs and Jeff (cousin) got gauze pads and tape. We got him fixed up but it soon became more than painfully clear that he was going to have to go to the doctor and get some x-rays done because the shoulder was bad.
We waited, and waited, and waited a bit more at the doctor, and my ipod and my book called to me from home -- laughing that they were not being used when I was almost bored completely out of my mind. I was more than ready to be done. We got a consult and the man sent us for x-rays. Duh.  So we did that, and when they finally got those done, we got another consult and the guy said maybe a rotator cuff tear, (a little one), and did he want to have a cortizone shot in his shoulder. Grandpa declined and we finally, four hours later, managed to get Nana (Who had insisted on coming) into the car and grandpa settled into the back seat. We got home about 20 minutes later and it was nearing two o'clock or so.
My grandparents were supposed to drive to MA and Jody's (my aunt) house. And well. They certainly couldn't drive then. Nana doesn't drive, and Grandpa was in too much pain. SOOOO. we had to find a back up plan. My other aunt, Marie, offered to drive them up and have Tyler follow so that he could drive her home. But, there was one catch. Ty's car was in the shop and Marie's truck gets 10 miles to the gallon. SO. I lent Ty my car. He drove it up after his mother and then drove her home. Poor car had to turn around and make the trip again on the following morning.
So, Nana and grandpa were taken care of and all I wanted to do was settle into a little music and chill for the evening. The guys were still packing and loading but were finally coming to an end. I went upstairs to get my ipod so I could listen to music and read my book, because they were quite loud. I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked through everything and, though I knew were I had put it that morning, I secretly harbored a hope that it had just gotten misplaced.
No, it didn't. One of the freaking movers had stolen it. I was not pleased. I absolutely could not believe that one of the movers had stolen it. I talked to the guy who said it was impossible and that it hadn't happened. He said to see if it had accidentally gotten packed. Hard for an Itouch to accidentally get packed after it would have had to have been taken out of your stuff and packed into a box. My Itouch was in the front of one of my bags in an open pocket. It was wrapped in the cord to the charger and had the charger with it. I had put it there that morning because I had nowhere else to put it when I was moving my stuff into the 'no pack pile'.
Needless to say, as there were few places it could have been moved to or fallen to (fat chance in a non slip cover). Those places were searched as the guys finished loading (minus the one crew person -- how suspicious).
We moved the next morning and I managed to get some sleep despite being sans ipod. We got up at 6 and got ready to drive to MA and start unpacking. We arrived as they were unloading. Only Billy and Brian, two brothers who were 'in charge' of the move, were the crewmen we knew. The others were local from MA and were in to help us move things into the house and around off the trucks.
I quickly went through the boxes and realized that my Itouch had not, in fact, been packed as we had all slightly hoped it had. I ended up having to talk to Billy and let him know that the Itouch was not to be found. He said he hadn't wanted to think about it because he knew who had taken it as it was the guy's first day on the job. What fun. Billy said that he had seen it in the place I'd told him it had been and he had also noticed it was missing towards the end of the day before the other guy had left. What freaking fun. So he told me he'd tell his boss and that they would be in touch with me.
I ended up having to call on Friday and ask them what the deal was because I wasn't just going to let a 400$ theft go unnoticed -- and not harass them. The owner of the company called me back and said that he realized the theft was a problem and did not debate that it had happened. He said that the guy was Brian's (One of the mover brother team) friend and that Brian was going to try and get my Itouch back this weekend if he could find the guy. Elsewise they would replace it on Monday. So that is tomorrow, and I'll be awaiting their call.
We've made it through a few days of hauling boxes and unpacking and it just sucks. My back is killing me and the dogs are unsettled and aren't sleeping which means they are keeping me up (Taz is attacking me as I type) * reaches down and puts dog on her lap* okay, I apologize in advance for dog related typos because he'll shortly go to sleep on one wrist or the other.
Packing wasn't too bad, because we weren't really doing it, but unpacking has been a real pain in the ass. I've been working my butt off and taking very little time to myself. It has all been about just helping out and getting this done.
Chris, my Aunt, has come down from Vermont and is helping us unpack. She cannot really do the lifting but is helping unpack and such. It is a great help. My aunt, Jody, is being a flipping pain in our asses trying to re-do what we've already done. She steadfastly refuses to take care of Nana, at all, and is leaving us all with our butts hanging out to get smacked.
Situation: 11:30 am, and Jody has gotten up and gone to church with Jack (Her 11 yr old son). They left nana and grandpa at their house (where they are staying until Mom and I ((we're sleeping at the house)) manage to get the place well enough done that they can stay.) They did not wake Nana and give her any sort of breakfast, just left. Granted, it takes some planning to manage a lot of things like that in the morning and still feed Nana, but you can do it with little thought. (My wrist is getting very heavy.)
Jody left, and didn't wake Nana. So come 11:30 nana isn't feeling well and hasn't had breakfast and is still asleep in bed. Because when she doesn't eat she has no energy to get up and doesn't bother because then her stomach just hurts from hunger pains!
Grandpa was awake, but hadn't fed nana because she wanted to sleep more. He doesn't really realize that he HAS to feed her, or else.
So I'm called in and come over to get her fed. Mom and I tag team her because now that she has spent the morning in bed with no food she feels awful. Go figure. So we get nana fed, and she's doing pretty well. Jack comes up with nana's pills. I had tried to explain to Jody about nana's pills and she had refused to listen, so Jack puts the wrong pills on the plate and nana takes them. So now she's had her whole day's pills and has taken double the dose of one of them, which she takes a 1/2 pill of on Sundays. She took whole pill because 'jody' who didn't want to listen about the pills and become a nurse maid, then gave random pills to jack to give to nana. with stronger pills or a stricter regiment (which jody wouldn't know because she doesn't want to be a nurse maid) She could have hurt nana.
So I try to tell her to make sure that nana takes no more pills today because now she's had all of them and Jody gives me a flipping lecture about not being their nurse maid. They are in your house, and you were the one who gave your son random pills to give to his grandmother when you didn't know anything about them because you didn't want to.
END RANT -- But seriously. *Annoyed face*
SO i'm stuck at Jody's being the babysitter to nana while mom takes grandpa out. I'm not getting anything done at the house and Jody has gone to do that (God knows what she is changing around.) Shoot me! I'm much more productive than Jody is, but because she doesn't want to take care of Nana, she's off messing with the house and I'm stuck here blogging and getting nothing done. (yes, i realize blogging isn't nothing, but still. There is SO MUCH to do and I'm stuck here because Jody is a pain in my ass).
Jody spends more time re-doing things we've already done than she does helping us actually get things unpacked and put away. She spends her time moving the room around after we've set it up, or criticizing my mother for the work she's doing. My mom doesn't need her shit. She's already stressed enough and I'm sick of Jody's 'better than you' attitude.
If she didn't want to be involved, she should have just said something. I also got to listen to her pick a fight with my grandmother this afternoon. She was being a bully. Nana isn't feeling well and Jody was just pushing and pushing her to get things done and telling her what they were going to do. My grandmother does not do well when you tell her what she's going to do.

Anyway, that seems to be the end of the story for the time being. I'm hoping that we can get this stuff done and get home Wednesday. I'm super ready!

~M