Back in the Swing

Well, three days into it. Two days of talking and one day of nothing. What is it that drives us back together all the time? How can I snap us out of the cycle we are constantly in? How does someone 'try' more than they have before? How do I keep from losing this?

Someday, maybe I'll be able to really answer these questions. I hope it is someday soon because this falling through again means that it is high time for something else to happen -- and for me to really go somewhere else....

Well, one can dream. And dream I do.

Horoscope

Horoscope for Leo (today):
"Someone you love has been kind of remote lately, and it's probably making you a little crazy. It's also kept them on your mind, which is pretty distracting -- and that could mean you're not paying enough attention at work. Don't get upset, though -- you've been making them crazy, too! One of you has to make the first move, of course. Are you going to let them take all the credit for the big reunion?"


have I mentioned lately that I REALLY dislike my horoscopes lately??? This one more especially than most.

I wonder too.

There are days when this is the prominent thought on my mind. I hate those days because I spend them thinking of him.

:-/

I'm waiting for Prince Charming

I have to say,

     The pot is still alarming.

You live your life in a haze of smoke,

     Too high to see me.

I burn at your touch,

You moan at mine.

But I have to admit,

That you were rough last time.

Do you have to be high

     to touch me

     to see me

     to want me

     to be with me?

You're playing around blackness

The way the haze moves in

    like a dampening fog.

Take away what is really there,

     Hide it away

And see nothing

But,

Whatever it makes you see.

Watermark

So, getting this blog back to where it is actually supposed to be: I just finished reading --  

by Vanitha Sankaran. 

This was a pretty impressive read. It didn't take me too long to finish, but it was certainly a book I was not, at any point, ready to put down and finish later. 

The premise for this book was actually quite interesting, and I really loved the way the first chapter was done. Thrown into the mess we were. 

A midwife, against the orders of the church, cuts a baby from her dying mother's womb. The baby, born albino -- in a world where witchcraft and heritics are found and killed through ignorance and supersition by friends and neighbors -- is taken by the midwife. The midwife knows that she should kill the child...

but she cannot bring herself to do it. Instead, she cuts out the child's tongue so that the babe may never preach the words of the devil.

The baby's sister and father rescue her, but there is nothing they can do. She is mute. Mute in a world who already fears her because of her coloring... most importantly, her eyes.

Her father is a papermaker. He does not sell much and simply enjoys the work he does. She becomes his apprentice and goes on during the time of heritics and death by the church. The whole story is about her life and how she hides herself away from the damndation of the church and accidentally brings the heritics right into her families lives. 

An absolutely amazing read! It wasn't on my list, but has now been added and scratched out. I soon will be starting On Folly Beach:

by Karen White. 

It is a mystery and I'm rather looking forward to seeing what this novel has to offer. 

I'll keep everyone updated.

True Freedom

What were we like as children, before we were hurt by anything the first time? What were we like when we were naive to the pain of the world? And, how, I ask, do we return to that place from wence we came?

I would love to know the answers to these riddles, for my past doggs me like a shadow some days, and today is particularly bad.

As I try and delve further into my future, a future that I always felt I wouldn't have -- for some odd reason. I am finding it very hard to move forward and leave the past where it fell. First, let me explain about this not having a future thing. I have always felt as though there was no worry about considering the future. I never thought I would make it to college, and from there, I could have never imagined that I would make it to where I am today. There is no specific reason, just a feeling, and it has shadowed me these long years. It has, however, abated lately and I can see that there is something for me. What fun -- now I just have to figure out what it is.

Time to figure out how to move forward, and really leave the past behind.

Of all the things i've believed in
I just wanna get it over with
Tears from behind me eyes but i do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like i'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend

And I said...
Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seem that i can't live without you
Closing my eyes and you case my thoughts away
To a place that i am blinded by the light

But it's not right...

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

The one thing that i tried to hold on to...

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to


And when the stars fall i will lie awake...

You're my shooting star...